Life

The first week of 2012 has passed, just like that...
1 week down, 5 more to go...
Mentally and physically, i'm losing it again...
I'm losing my ability to carry on...
I keep asking myself at times, what is my purpose in life...
Is it just to be the helpful guy i am and try my best to help out everyone that i can??? Or can i actually go and live my dreams...

During the night, at times, i ask myself, what the shit am i doing??
I'll be asking myself, "What happens if the closest people around me were to leave me..."
For those who knows me, all i can say is that i'm sorry for being who i just am...
Yea sure, when i'm with you all, i'm all happy or whatever...
I care about you all, i ask about how you all are, and sometimes i can be super irritating with over caring...
But deep down, i'm always scared...
I'm scared that I'll wake up one morning and find you all all gone...
I'm worried that I'll lose my closest friends, that those who are closet to me will one day turn their backs on me despite whatever we have been through...

Last few months, has been emotional roller coasters one after another...
I pray hard for it to end, i pray hard that i can stop having all this stupid mood swings and stop being paranoid, because i know that i'm irritating the hell out of all my friends, but sometimes i feel like just killing myself...
Yet every time i have made up my mind to jump off the building, my best friends comes into the picture...
Yan teik, Shi Hui, Lindi Xinzhen and all...
And then there are those i regard as my brothers, Bryce and Chuan Han...

All of them, they keep my going...
Every single one of them, have told me that i'm irritating at times, and i know that...
But sometimes i really just can't stop myself...
I've always been that emotional person that i have been...
And i gone through a lot of hell that many people couldn't imagine...
My bros, my best friends... They have been keeping me going...
Without them, i'm nothing...

I pray hard that this year could be better... but its really not getting any better...
But i have promised, that i will keep going... I'll help everyone i can, before i lose myself...
I'll just hope for the best and i hope that my bros and my best friends...
I hope we could be brothers forever and friends for eternity...